Coffee on saturday morning.

It is good reason for making it through one of the shittiest weeks I've had in a long time.

It's getting harder and harder to sustain my positive attitude at work. I realized something important this week. On a good day at work, it's bearable. Bearable. On a typical day, I'm miserable. On a bad day I come home furious and in tears. Often crying at my desk.

What the fuck am I doing?

I saw STOMP last night with my mom. It was brilliant, of course. Beautiful and raw and alive. It was a reminder of what's going on in the world of performance and art and music. A reminder that I am a young woman without a family, without kids, and without major health problems, and that if I don't put energy behind my talents and passions now, I probably never will.

So what the fuck am I doing? I am saving money and finishing my first CD, and reading and writing and getting on my knees and closing my eyes to remind myself to trust that the universe always gives me what I need. I am training in my sacred martial art, and I am signing up for classes that will teach me how to make the world better, one person at a time.

I am doing good work so that when I leave my job, they will feel the hole and they will wish me luck. They will watch me leave and they will smile.

They will smile and give me a cake with sweet white frosting and they will know that I am never coming back.