Me: "Hi Mom."

Mom: Hola mi hija. (singing) "Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday my dear sweet Megan...Happy Birthday to you."

Me: "Hmmm."

Mom: "Are you still sleeping?"

Me: "Yeah."

Mom: "Oooh ... I told you not to answer so I could sing to you on your voicemail."

Me: "That's ok. I like it. What time is it there?"

Mom: "Oh, it's about noon, and I'm in an empty hallway and I'm in the middle of a big meeting. I'm going to be a Stalker Mom today."

Me: "Good."

Mom: "So...30 years ago I woke up and it was the first sunny day of spring in Illinois."

Me: "Hmmm."

Mom: "And my mom and dad were at the house and they had been there for two weeks because we thought you were going to be born on my birthday. And my mom made me eggs and toast I said, 'I think I'm going to throw up.' And she said, 'Well, that usually means you're going to go into labor.

And sure enough I went to the bathroom to pee and there was more water than just pee (little laugh) and then we went to the hospital."

Me: "What were you wearing?"

Mom: "I had on maternity jeans and a blue and white plaid maternity shirt and a turtleneck and my pressed cardboard peacoat that I threw into the dumpster and the nurses thought it was a mistake a dug it out of the dumpster to return it to me..."

Me: "Oh yeah...That's right."

Mom: "Yeah. And...I'm not sure exactly the time, but you were born around 3 in the afternoon. I remember because the nurse's shift ended at 2:30 and she decided to stay to see you come out.

And I had so much Vick's Vapor Rub and Ben Gay on my lower back that all the nurses would walk into the room and their eyes would tear up."

Me: "I hurt your lower back?"

Mom: "Yes because you came out face up so your little baby skull was on my back bone but that meant that your face didn't get crushed so I didn't care."

Me: (little laugh)

Mom: "And you came out and you were so alert and your eyes were open so wide that you looked...Weird."

(laughing)

"And they told me you were a girl and I saw you and I said, 'No...I can see a penis!' and I was so crushed and I felt awful for being crushed and they said, 'That's not a penis, that's the umbilical cord!"

(laughing)

"I wanted a girl so bad. So bad. And you had no hair but they managed somehow to tape a little pink bow on your bald head."

Me: "Hmmm."

Mom: "And my Dad went out and bought you a frilly frilly pink dress..."

Me: "And my pink bunny rabbit."

Mom: "Yes. Oh! Ok. I have to go back in."

Me: "You go in there and be a big successful Big Mamma."

Mom: "Ok...I'll go be a big Mamma."

Me: "Call me every five minutes."

Mom: "I will!"

Me: "I love you."

Mom: "I love you too."